This woman's moves are everything. Everything.
On this day 51 years ago, the lovely Paula Abdul was born. And thank God for that, because my childhood years would not have been the same without the glory of her music. Paula's first album went platinum when I was about seven years old, and I spent probably the next five years wearing out copies of her cassette tapes and choreographing long, complicated dance routines that are probably documented on an old VHS somewhere in my parents' basement if anyone ever wants to blackmail me.
The point is, everything I knew about love until I was about 12 years old, I learned from Paula Abdul's romantic ballads, perky love songs, and, most important, dramatic kiss-off songs. You guys, to this day I unironically love the majority of the songs.
Here are some important truths about love from the musical stylings of the birthday girl, Miss Paula Abdul.
What it feels like when someone just doesn't love you back: It's like blowing, blowing kisses you guys. In the wind. I cross my heart, and hope to die, this totally spoke to my inner drama queen who was already developing at the tender age of nine.__
How to tell if a guy is bad news: Look into his eyes, y'all. Has he been telling lies? If he also don't play by rules or is a lover boy at play, well then girl, he is a cold-hearted snake. Oh, oh, oh. (This video was simultaneously the most scandalous and most amazing thing I'd ever seen when it came out.)
