I know when I’ve attended “orphan” holiday gatherings, I always attended with a heavy heart, knowing that I was being welcomed by people who probably weren’t about to burst into tears at any moment. It just wasn't a heavy holiday for them like it was for me. Usually, I’d end up spending most of the night answering why I “wasn’t home this year." People would explain to me, “Yeah, flights are just so expensive, I figured I’ll chill here and fly home for Christmas.” And good for you, even if my story is more along the lines of, “I never go home for the holidays—also, what is a home?” But since that response is going to heavily bum you out, I guess I’ll just say, “Yep, me too,” and then leave immediately because "something came up" (even if that something was, “I’m gonna go cry for six hours while I think about how I’m not like everyone else.")
Look, I know the policing of words seems a little uncool to some people, because if you don’t call it what you usually call it what else would you call it? And to those people I say, “Hello! Friendsgiving is a thing and you can call it that!" Plus, it sounds way cuter and less like you’re the underage cast of Annie gathering by a fireplace and warming your hands, wishing you could eat turkey like children with families.
And no, I don’t think people who use the term "orphan blank" mean anything malicious. I truly don’t. There’s just an unacknowledged privilege that comes with having a loving, supportive family who makes you feel safe. It’s so hard to tell people, “Yeah, the holidays kind of bum me out (because I come from a broken/abusive/unsafe/hateful/now deceased family)." You end up feeling like you don’t have a place in the world because your genuine, deeply felt, and often beyond painful feelings about your nontraditional family situation gets swept under the rug in favor of easier, more “normal” frustrations with otherwise wonderful families.
So, if you can remember—on behalf of everyone who already feels like they’re not normal because their parents left, or died, or don’t love them, or don’t accept them, or were abusive, or any other variable—I’d love it if you could just call it what it is: Friendsgiving, a group of people who love each other and have chosen, for whatever reason, to spend the day together being grateful for how lucky they are to know one another. Because if you have people in your life who you love and who love you back, whether those people are chosen or not, you truly are lucky as hell.
Lane Moore is a writer, comedian, actor, and musician. She is the creator of the hit live comedy show Tinder Live, which is currently touring colleges and comedy venues nationwide. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
