Emotional Cheating
There's no doubt that emotional cheating has been going on since monogamy was invented, but the term has been part of our lexicon for only a few decades.
Emotional cheating involves sharing intimate details about your life or marriage with someone you have an attachment and/or attraction to. Sometimes these emotional affairs start off innocently as friendships or coworking relationships and advance into more personal territory.ˇ
If secrets are exchanged and you're hiding your relationship from your partner and/or lying about it, chances are you are you are involved in an emotional affair.
While it's not just women who cheat emotionally: Research shows that they are more likely to form these emotional attachments. In many cases, physical cheating follows.
Fleming says, "Women often find that emotional infidelity is a greater blow to their relationship while it's not uncommon for men to feel it's a physical relationship with another person that feels more threatening." She adds, "I think men are more apt to cheat physically because of their physiology. More specifically, their testosterone levels are higher than women's. Men are also socialized to be strong and dominant, not 'needing' emotional connection in the way women do and yet, we know we are all wired for connection and men too have attachment needs."
E-Cheating
Just like our lives have gone digital, so has cheating.
E-cheating occurs when people seek out connection and relationships with people they meet or reconnect with over social networks, dating sites, email, or text. Sometimes the nature of these electronic messages are sexual and sometimes they're more subtle but may still be considered intimate.
It's one thing to catch up with someone from high school on Facebook a couple of times and another to write him every night before bed, sharing personal details about your life. In fact, a recent study showed that one in five people blamed Facebook for the demise of their relationships.
While we can't blame a social network for the reason our partner strayed, the discreet access to connection makes it easy to cross the line into territory that may make our partners uneasy.
Since technology and social networks are here to stay, it's wise to figure out how to create boundaries so we don't have to be discreet about our digital lives.
Mental Cheating
Actually, mental cheating isn't a thing. In fact, fantasy can be a completely healthy and positive practice in your relationship.
According to Fleming, "It's about allowing oneself to use fantasy as a means to create novelty and possibility, which could be with one's partner or with another person. Fantasy doesn't equal reality. I like the idea of robbing a bank and never thinking twice about money, but I would never do that in real life. I think it's important to distinguish fantasy and that which turns us on from what would really turn us on and we'd want in reality."
Our brains work harder to suppress feelings than to accept them. So, don't sweat it if you're daydreaming about the guy at the grocery store or occasionally picture Ryan Gosling in your bed.
